You know what's the worst feeling ever? When your social anxiety happens and all you could do is just squat down, cover your ears and hope for the best. Well that happened to me just now. I'm really grateful for my friends who were there for me when I needed them the most. While I was squating, all I was thinking about was, please let this be over, please oh please let this be over. And that's when I realized, I have a slight anxiety issue. I know I know, I shouldn't make a big fuss out of this and time will eventually pass but it doesn't. Time passes, but your memories don't. I know that every night and day, all I'll think about is how I've disappointed a lot of people, had too much expectations for myself, and making the wrong decisions every single time. I guess college is finally taking a toll at me. It not only worsen my anxiety issues, but it's dragging people around me. I'm just this negative aura walking around, being a burden to them.
I guess I have a lot more to learn. High school definitely didn't prepare me for this. This wasn't what I expected it to be like. I just have to toughen up and make use of my semester break to fix the problem? I won't be seeing immediate results but that's what I'm hoping for. To be normal again. To not be weak. And learn how to express my feelings. I just keep bottling everything in me and I can already feel the effect.
I'm not at my best condition now. But I swear I'll come back a greater and better person. Or to be exact, a healthier person, be it physically or mentally.
This post is very personal to me and I just want to remind everyone that being different is not wrong, being sick is not wrong and wanting to feel loved and cared is not wrong.